So there I was, swiping away in the jungle of dumpster fires (dating apps). For this story, let’s just say my nickname is “The Bear,” and one might assume, I’d be more at home fishing for salmon in a stream than fishing for compliments online. But hey, a bear’s gotta eat, am I right?
Let’s get one thing straight: When your nickname is The Bear, your profile tends to, well, stand out. Every other bio said things like “Loves sunsets and long walks,” while mine read, “Can climb stuff, loves honey, occasionally hibernates in winter.”
I thought it was charming, but the matches were more personality than plentiful.
Then there was this one evening when I matched with Goldilocks. I mean, c’mon, the irony wasn’t lost on me. Her opening line? “I hope you’re not too hard, not too soft, but just right.” Wink, wink.
So we agreed to meet up. With all the modern fads getting played out, I suggested a good ol’ fashioned picnic in the woods.
Naturally, I had honey. A bear always brings the sweet stuff. But let’s be real; I was hoping for more than just a taste of honey that evening.
As we were spreading out the blanket, I whispered, “Did you know bears have an excellent sense of smell? I can tell you’re wearing… Chanel No. 5?” I was wrong, but who can resist a bear with a naughty nose?
She laughed, saying, “Close enough, Bear. But maybe later you can take a closer sniff.”
Now, I’m no stranger to the dance of modern courtship. So, when she suggested a game of Truth or Dare, I was all ears (and fur).
She dared me to do my best bear growl. Never one to shy away, I let out a roar that echoed through the woods. Shit, to my surprise, an actual bear growled back.
Let’s just say the rest of our date was spent doing the fastest two-step of our lives out of that forest!
Despite the unexpected wildlife interaction, the spark between us was undeniable. Maybe it was the shared adrenaline, or perhaps it was just two wild souls recognizing each other in this crazy world of modern distractions.
In the end, while the apps, the swipes, and the cheeky double entendres make for fun tales, it’s those unexpected moments that truly make a date memorable.
And if you ever come across a profile of a guy who calls himself “The Bear” claiming to love honey and adventures, swipe right.
Who knows, it might be the beginning of a beary interesting story 😉
This story was inspired by two cool peeps, who shall remain nameless, but let’s just call them ABrandi and AAlexis 🫡
If you enjoyed reading this and want to show your support, you can check out my non-fiction and children’s books at edgarescoto.com.
